July 31, 2011

Sleeping Pills

Drugs drugs
Good for your sleep
The more you take
The more you eat
The more you sleep
The better you feel
So pop some drugs
With great zeal

Disclaimer: Caffeinated Couplets does not in any way endorse sleeping pills. The author of this blog wrote this poem in jest for a dear friend who could not stop eating everything in his entire kitchen under the influence of sleeping pills. Really, rather than popping drugs with great zeal, Caffeinated Couplets advises all those who do not sleep well to watch TV shows staring Kim Kardashian or Jersey Shore kids until desired sleep effects are achieved.

July 17, 2011

These Are a Few of my Least Favorite Things

Sitting in traffic or waiting in line
People who talk almost all the of the time
Men who are cocky or men who have flings
These are a few of my least favorite things

People who take up two parking places
Driving the freeway like chariot races
Stop cutting me off and turn on your blinker
You’re not a good driver; you’re just a big stinker

Listening to those who don’t know when to shush
Talking forever, turn my brain into mush
Totally missing all social cues
Holding all hostage until you are through

If you lean on a mirror for an act that is crass
Thinking it’s private and then picking your ass
And unknown to you, we can all totally see
All the details of how you pick your wedgie

Women who show off way too much boob
Bathrooms that reek too much of poo
Breath that smells like Doritos or Corn Nutz
Pants that don’t nearly cover up butts
Walking behind someone who just left a fart
Making a mess and calling it art
Jaywalkers who dart against traffic lights
Or cross wearing black in the middle of night
Crunching popcorn at the last Harry Potter
So I couldn’t hear major twists in the plot, or
People who steal shopping carts from the store
And leave them to roll and make dents in my door
Maybe I’m grouchy and maybe I’m mean
Maybe I should calm my thoughts on caffeine
But whether it’s wrong or whether it’s right
These things piss me off and they make me write